stressed! with only 2 weeks left till my final crit. i can say that i am in some dead shit. * well shit are not alive in the first place... oh well.
WOW! thats like alot to get done. My shelter FINAL design is still in progress. What to do what to do? i need help and more time.
Plus with my deadline coming closer, some "things" starts to happen to me. it happens everytime when i got a impt thing coming like for my PSLE, i had to pick up myself because of my best friend's passing over and fight to the end to get a good grade by myself and during my primary 6's year, i got into some disaplince problems and i began to trust no-one not even my close friends. I dont want to have another public caning in front of the whole school again. learnt my lesson and grown up.
Next, on the day before my Chinese O level paper, another friend return his back on me and left me alone. crap! cried and cursed but it didnt do much help, just have to pick up and face a new day.
There are more but i rather not say, is it me or i am just unlucky and misforturnate. I be kind and nice to someone, people take advantage of you and stab you in the back and run away or God in his most revenageful way have to take friends away from me. What have i done wrong to offend you? You wont there for me when i needed you, so why should i trust in you? Arent you just like my other friends?
And what are friends? you helped because you care. Because you are different. Looks and thinks different. Abit more knowledgeable than them, they disown you and treat you like you are invisible. I am not dumb. please.
Reason why i dont have or want to make any friends is because i know that they are going to disappear from me again, and my heart can only take so much pain and aches. Thats why i am always alone. talking to myself cause i am the only person i can trust. everyone out there always have an intention when you make friends with someone. Relationships for me is an impossible task. People goes for looks first then anything else. Well for that part i have already lost. Next, Communication/ Are you funny? part which agian i suck. Why? i dont know, maybe it is because i dont talk to people much and i am always alone. i talk about boring topics boring jokes. i cant tell a joke. but i can listen to people. but who needs that one tiny quality.
Anyway all the girls that i like are always so far away but yet so near. Like a gal i have a crush on since secondary 1 or even earlier until now. havent talk but seen each other before. and 2 others more. i have a weakness for gals and the type of gals. legs and chij gals. why? i dont know. maybe it is the environment i grew up in. Oh well, if God plans for me to be single and lonely for the rest of my life, i rather lived it in a way i can enjoy and loved it.
Earn money.
Travel.
Live in a beach house.
Live till i die.
thats all. memories flashback.
Cheers.
JooL.
JooL at 8:51 PM
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