Monday, February 28, 2005
a song i made for u...
this is part of a song i made....to hear it...just hope that i dun pick up my phone to hear it on my greetings to my voice mail...
All i ever want...
All i want, is to hear your voice
All i want, is to touch your hand
All i want, is to see your face
All i ever want......is you.
for the gal that i dream of daily...
JooL at 7:22 PM
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dreamin of you...
i am supposed to be doin my 2 projects that i have to do...my lighting project which requires me to do my mock up....and my design history project...which both of them i havnt started on...but there is something in me that is not motivated to start...maybe i am confused over something....or maybe it is because i am just sick....haha thats are all an excuse...i guess that all i wan is an honest and straight answer from her...not sure wat i wan...but just a honest answer that i can trust and believe on...cause all these time all i ever heard from her are in my opinion are lies....cause everything she said that she didnt do this to me...she will still continue to do it...it is like totally oppstie of wat she told me...wat am i to believe now?
every night i always dream of her once....jus seein her in my dreams....just den she is always with someone else or taken away from me by someone else....never once i can be with her.....maybe this is a sign that i should not be with her ...and start to live my own life....but why do i always dream of her....? everytime i looked at her...she turns away.....when she looks at me i turn away too....cause i just so pissed at her for lyin to me i guess....before i guess all of these happened....i used to at least talk to her in real life or played with her...all of the small and tiny things that we done together or talked about i remembered..the clothes she wears daily...the hairstyle that she wears...whether it is new or not...i remembered...and i wan to tell her about it...just i just dun know how too....plus she is seein someone else why should continue to talk to her and stuff...i eman i dun like to be a third party or wat in someone relationship...i hate to see couples break up ...but maybe this is one that i should...but they hav known each other for like over 2 years...wat do i stand a chance...i know her barely for a few months...but lookin at her now...pisses me off...it boils my blood that i want to kill her or just hurt her so badly the way she hurt me....see her cry...see her scream...am i so evil...is this called revenge?
but lookin at the facts....she alreadly has someone she likes.....not me....and someone else that she can turn too....so why does she need me rite...everytime i tried to help her...she turns me down...reject me....countless of times....all i wan to do was to help her....jus to spend abit more time time with her....but i guess i and her jus hav no chemisty together...when i am with her, we dun talked much...and i meant like nothing to talk about....haiz...wasnt like that in the past....but now...i guess things hav changed....anyway she always wan to free and happy and fun and loved....she wans someone that she can tok to about anything under the sun....laugh with them...joke with them.....well i cant...i just not that...all i am is a listener...i hav been a loner all my life....everytime i ask someone to go out or something...i am always rejected...so why should continue to ask....anyway even though she is seein someone...i guess she is oso interested in someone else too...anyway why would she or any other gals....i mean he is handsome...cool...good looking..talk well...know how to make a gal happy...laugh with them...joke with them...i eman any gal will fall on their knees to be him him...plus they both can clicked welll...i eman seein them exchangin messages so closely to one another that they hav to speak to each other in the ears to listen...that close...haiz...do i hav something like that to fight it?...nope....i hav nothing....
everytime she replys a msg back to me....sayin that hey it is not wat i think it is ...blah blah blah...but den wat is it that i am seein? are you tryin to tell me that i am blind...den wat i am seein infront of me is just an illusion? cant be rite....i mean now i finally understand....that for a guy to like a gal it can be so fast...cause she is pretty and all...but for a gal....for a GAL to like a guy....and to said just the word i like you...takes a long time...like for a few years....and the love i love you at the time that the two get married...haiz....i guess i should push things too fast and think that everything can come my way the way i wan it to be...some things are just not in your control like fate and love....love takes time ...which is something i guess i dun hav....TIME....the silent killing pain....i always feel that i will be diein soon...liek with the illness and the depression that i am sufferin sometimes...and thats why i wan someone that i can trust my life with....hold me close....said that i will protect you...i love you and all....even though i met a gal that did said these words to me...but i barely known her....i mean like she added me in friendster and chat with me like a few minutes...and den on the same day called me to talk...and den she said she wan to be more than a friend to me and stuff....i was like OMG...i hav even seen you or known you long enough to be able to trust you with my life...dun you think that things are seriously goin way too fast....ayway i rejected her...
hmmm...maybe she was in a situation like me... wantin to find love that fast....cause she was trapped in the darkness of loneiness for so long....haiz...but...why do i still dream of her every night....why is this happening to me.........even though i want to mend it...the relationship...it always hurt me back in someways....she always lie....saying this and that....haiz...but i guess i am too blamed too...with the things i said to her sometimes....but what can i do when i in a depressed mood....
but why seriously do i like her...i eman when i first met her...it was like nothing...but when i get to know her better...things changed...and things really started to changed when my sis said that she was a pretty gal...form den now my mind was clear..i could see how beautiful she was...her eyes are the type that you can stare into for hours and not get bored....i am laways attracted to a gals eyes...cause i believed that you can tell alot by looking at a person's eyes...his or her whole life story...i finally understand truely understanded the meaning of true beauty...like inner beauty...the beauty that shines for all to see..haiz.... but what i hav done now and to her...i just guess that it was not fated for us to be ...i mean i hav no connection with anyone....even though how much i tried...i just cant...i am such a loser...
JooL at 6:30 PM
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
omg...i am more like a gal den a guy
Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
hmmm...i am more like a female den a male....OMG...haiz...maybe i just an sensitive new age guy...
do gals like a SNA guy?
haha guess not.
JooL at 10:45 PM
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Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentines day....alone
happy valentines day to all you lonely soul out there...
this v day i am oso with out a date
but it has been like this for all my life...so do i care
maybe this is the first time i hav a mixed class
and not like my ex class full of guys
if u are wonderin i was a gay....haha when u are in a all guy sch...something happens
but now i am straight, as a the double yellow lines on the road
haiz...sadly, not niterseted in the either sex anymore
hmmm... guess when u are single
u have freedom
free to do the things u wan..or like
in my class...lets see....i can confirm that there are 3 ppl havin relationships (seriously like bf and gf ).... two or three couples are still in the flirtin stage....the rest hav no interest like me...or jus shy or cant be bother.... (the names i am not tellin)
how i know?
haha...just say that i am pretty good at gatherin info
but...this is a bad year for the rabbit to be in a realtionship
hmmm...serectly in my heart, i hope that one of those that seriously datin....hope u break up....haha
hmmm...quite evil?
but u hav to consider wat the person do ..is flirt around....breakin ppl heart's without knowin it
haha...
anyway... u know why some ppl just cant get along with some ppl?
and u just cant tell why?
or maybe u can...but u just got nothing to tok abt....or no chemisty?
the answer to that is astrology...or your horoscope....
hmmm...i like 90% believe that it is true...
cause for example, in my class i am the only Vigro...
and for Vigros...or virgins....we can only get along with ppl that are tarus, cancer, libra, capricons and vigro...
for the rest of the signs...we virgins just hav a hard gettin along with
hmmm...jus call us the cream of the crop? haha
nah....basically we are just different group of ppl
hmmm...another point...why some married couples divorce?
or break up or serparated?
hmmm astrology and horoscope....
even thought for example, a vigro and gemini like my parents are married...
they cant live together peacefully
they agrue quite offen and all.....
hmmm cause there is no connection for these two signs in astrology or horoscope
they just cant get together..
if you all out there, hav any views on this issue....or wan me to help u find out whether if u are compatiable with this person.....jus ask me!
i hope i can help
hehe...
"JO_oL" out-
p.s.: if u cant take wat i write here....haha...i jus wan to laugh at u cause u are jus immature...and jus hav a mindset of a small kid....dude grow up man
p.s.s. : that is another qualilty of a Vigro...we hav a more adult thinkin even though we are like still young..haha
JooL at 12:00 AM
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
a new change for myself...
haiz... i guess i better have a new change for myself...better concentrate on my studies den believin that true love exists....cause i will never find mine...haiz....i myself know that i am not handsome....and my expectations for that speical someone is high...haha it is jus impossible....who wants a guy that cant speaks well...not handsome....poor....ugly.(repeated)...nowadays all the pretty girl or jus the normal and average gals will all go for looks or money...first impression ma...if u are ugly... why would the gal be interested in you at all...without knowin your character first...those gals that said that they will look for a guy's character rather than the looks...haha stop bluffin yourself cause u know right down in your heart it is not true...it is jus human that we would wan to get something better...haiz...all the shuai ge out there... good for you....happy rite? that hey you get all the gals....den can slowly choose which one to date or go out?....guys like me can only dream of wat you hav....waitin by the handphone for a single sms a day is like findin a needle in a haystack....while all the shuai ge...gets sms-es all day long...from gals findin them to chat....haiz...maybe GOD was sleepin or slackin off when he send me down to earth...all i can say is FUk you...haha thats the only thing i can do now...to blame god...but...i decided that i hav to change too......anyway...now wat i decided to do:1) focus on my industrial design course...mus do the best i can...hope that i can get a degree oversea ( germany or france or italy or britain)....haizform the best in my sch for D & T...to like the average i the class now....wat a morale hit....="(2) be single...YES try to be single as possible ..dun wan to let the problem of relationship to confuse or harm me anymore...wat do is it anyway when u know soon or later u are gonna get your poor heart broken again?3) mind my own business as much as possible....haiz quite hard to do...cause i hav this ability to understand or know wat this person is thinkin or be through...and all that stuff...haha den wan to help...cause more trouble for myself...4) jus go with the flow... try not to make anymore friends or any convesation with them...haiz...i guess i better stop botherin them with my lameness or crap or bull shit...5)try to make myself more presentable for myself and myself only....hmm guess thats about it...haiz a bad year for the rabbit...try to keep a low profile....anyway to all people out there....everything or every action or word or sound that you made...i know about it and i will remember it...with that information and the rest of the information that i had...i can combine them and hav a conclusion about you and all....you can said that it is a waste of time but...to me it is jus natural...so if u see me silent in a corner or like jus being a loner and all...haha i am actually listenin to every damn word that escape your mouth....oopss jus let out my serect..hehe
JooL at 11:26 PM
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